time

I plugged my ears to quite my thoughts. A steady flow of familiar lyrics poured into the canal. All this to turn off the world and fall into the words of the many pages in front of my eyes. As the story takes shape I begin to wonder what had happened to life. We are inspired by the old ways. When life was lived by duty sacrifice and obligation. We see what is great and genuine about soldiers, cowboys, mill workers and the rest of the generations that acted out of need and put away dreams and desires to provide for the ones they loved. When the strong were silent. Commanding attention from acts. Heroes that we read about like myths of the Greeks. Have we gone so far that this spirit has turned into a ghost that is only recognized as stories around a camp fire? Stories about our fathers and theirs. Things of the no so distant past. I look into myself and ask if I make the cut. Have I lost sleep, gone with out food, worked beyond limits, bleed, suffered and continued without a word or tear. Continued without aggression, arrogance or complaint. Pushed forward and stayed the course for the greater good of those around me. Have we lost the meaning of 'adult' and 'man'? Have we replaced it all with selfish and stupid dreams. Praising the demi-gods that have been casted in gold for all to see. Worshiping skills, talents, and beauty. Finding identity with people we have never met. Offering love or casting stones based on a opinion that was force feed to you by the powers that be. No this is not "1984" we don't have to be blinded. It can all be out and open for all to see but that doesn't mean that we reject it. But this journey was to be mine alone for the moment. I can see how I fail to be a hero of the past.

so this is it. a blog. well with little concern of you the reader. please don't take offense but this is for me to tell you whats going on and you read. I spread thoughts and interest. you become inspired. eyes see new. this is not a journal. i will not claim to make art. this is words that form something for all us to think about. I am not right or wrong. I am not smart nor stupid. this is thought. I refuse to go through life not having a very real and honest journey. i will admit shortcoming and parade the strengths. i will accomplish and fail. i will become more. i will become less. I will not have bullshit in my life. i will love my wife no matter how hard that is or isn't. i will believe in my marriage. now stop for a second. this isn't some preachy no sense. i am care if you think that i don't make sense or have any valid points. i merely am writing to speak thought. i was thinking about my beliefs last night. i stopped and admitted to my self there were things about life that i truly believe with my all. but then i thought aboput how committed i was to said beliefs. that challenged me to really debate whether those beliefs were real or just something to grasp in case of emergency. like a 911 call system. when user is in trouble apply this and problem will have a resolution. i decide that if what i want in is life is to do something then i refuse to see here and talk about it. i will make forward precess. i won't believe everything the news says. i will not always believe that the leaders of the world are right. i will admit that peace is a nice idea but people are not meant to get along as well as we say we should. there will always be a war. whether or not its our brothers, sons, sisters, or daughters fighting and dying. i will not care about those around me that have more than i do. i have more money than most and less money than most. i will not live a life of envy and wanting. i will be content. i will love my family and friends. i will be wrong. do not be a sheep. believe in something real. don't be bullshit. if you get called out then you better be damn sure that what you say is legit. people are dumb and thoughtless. you are selfish and waste time on non sense. i am not talking about your personnel interests. i am talking about you the person.

discipline

lost in a room that has become to familiar. surrounded by peers, colleagues, the elite, poor, getting bys, and those so masked none may ever apply. all those that invested are within arm reach. precious , easy to embrace. small in number too inter-twined to be broken. years have brought on thickness and layers.though tested nievely believed none shall break. we pass as unit. leave no man behind. my vision seems televisionalistic. the turning of head changes channels. all brought to by the same network. the masked and the mirrored. actors themselves have ceased with cues. the show must go on. the ending has yet to be written. time? to cliche. generation pasted have set too much warning for that to stand. experience a guantlet conquered. atop the mountain victorious. a side door taken. that road is far too difficult. lonliness. most are not suitable. few are worthy to find blessing here. drink and laughter are far to quick for such a thing to find home. fall down the rabbit hole . a path is found samll and striaght. farther than mind can comperhend. it was never meant to be complicated.

herself

we are the poor of pockets
we are the weak in voice
the soul finds rest in maturity but the spirit struggles
simplicity strikes emotion description + definition vague
driving alone on an empty highway at nite in serch of.........
the trail blazed has already been analyzed so continue foward
breath in
hold tight
gently close yourself off
dance with my moments i fall a little more
feelings are replaced with thoughts
thoughts are traded for silence
a thrist begins to soften
nothing makes an introduction
a love without restraint
open arms + a genuine smile i fall a little more
are my eyes open?
am i seeing black or just dreaming?
i know what comes next
i just cant wake up